all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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