It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
