I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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