not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
