Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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