So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
