That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
