That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
