He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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