hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
