I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
