I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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