Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
