Christians are straight up FREAKS
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I faked an abortion last night.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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