Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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