I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
