I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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