Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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