Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
