I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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