between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
