just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
