Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
