textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
