She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
