he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
