It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
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