I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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