The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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