So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
