wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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