CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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