When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
