you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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