I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
