The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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