Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
