you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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