he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
