Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
