He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
