So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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