you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
