Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
