We're like a lot better than the average bears
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
