I wish I could teleport
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
