There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
