The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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