woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
