I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
