He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
