i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
