I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
