dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
