That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
